Awkward Situations That You May Have Lived Through
We all encounter some pretty bizarre situations in our lives, every now and then. While these experiences tend to get uncomfortable (and sometimes, downright mortifying) to go through at that time, they are always fun to look back at. Here, I will share three rather common instances of awkwardness that you may have likely heard, or even been a part of.
1) When your stomach rumbles
This one is a no-brainer. I believe almost every human, with a sense of appetite, has been a victim to a boisterous stomach, one time or another. A turbulent storm rages inside your gut without warning, and sometimes it does so during the most sensitive of occasions. Rumbles during work are the most difficult ones to manage. Let me paint you a picture (just, by the way, I neither deny nor acknowledge that the following has been inspired by my life). You are sitting in the conference room, well too deep in the meeting. You glance at the clock in front of you and lament how there still is an hour left for lunch. Your stomach decides to concur vehemently. The issue is, that it does so when your boss decides to end his long tirade about the team’s inability to meet the recently missed deadline. While every other team member decides to offer a minute, or two, of silence (partly because they don’t have an excuse to throw, and partly because no one wants to face the brunt of your boss’s cross-questioning), your stomach decides to take charge of the conversation. You always knew you had some bravado in you, you just never knew it was kept inside your gut all this time. Anyway, you try clearing your throat or pretending to cough in synchrony to muffle the growl of insubordination, but the damage is already done. Everyone has already heard it. What do you do next? Well, you first ensure people have no misconceptions about this unseemly sound. You sniff the room first. The air seems okay. No traces of sulfide, fortunately. No pungent smell, other than the damp smell of sweat from some of the more nervous colleagues, who are currently quaking in their boots, as well as your team secretary’s sharp-scented perfume (which, to be honest, smells worse than actual sweat). This check isn’t enough of an indication though. So, you decide to be more explicit. You could just laugh it off at this stage and say how hungry you feel, but the atmosphere is very serious right now, so you decide to lead the conversation forward by agreeing with your boss, listing out all possible reasons (with a slight admission of your own shortcomings) and ending the discussion by suggesting how you plan on rectifying the issue at hand and offering to sit together and brainstorm the game plan in detail after lunch. This is where you subtly slip in the line you have rehearsed in your head, i.e. “my stomach is growling with hunger now, and I am sure we will all have a more productive session with refueled minds and filled-up bellies”. You lean back on your seat now, reassuring yourself that you did a fine job of damage control.
2) When you forget someone’s name
Our minds, as incredible and irreplaceable a resource as they are, sometimes do demonstrate unfaithfulness at the worst of times, whether that’s forgetting the answers during an exam or forgetting someone’s name you had met a while back. That is why it is just better not to ask people, who you just met, their names. It saves you from the ensuing embarrassment that may follow. Let me give you an example (as said before, I neither deny nor acknowledge that the following has been inspired by my own life experience). You met someone during a social gathering a while back, had a brief, yet interesting interaction with him, and felt good getting to know the guy. You see that person in a coffeehouse, three weeks later, and your mind generates an error 404 about him. ‘What is his name?’ You start thinking. The guy waves cheerfully from the other end and starts walking up to you. You wish you weren’t there, but it’s too late, and you now need to conjure up your memories to retrieve his name from your database. You sip your coffee, as he approaches, in the faintest of hopes of a ‘caffeine-fueled assistance’. The conversation starts. You ask him how is it going and while he answers that, you rummage through your closet of names: ‘Adrian, Andy, Anthony, Antonio…’ you vividly remember, for some reason, that his name began with an ‘A’ but that’s all the clue you have. He asks about you, and your mind starts to multitask. While one half of your mind is busy autogenerating replies to generic parts of the conversation, the other works meticulously to fish out the correct name. ‘Anton, Arthur, Alexander, Ali, Ahmed…’ No, no, no, you’re going off-track here. You remind yourself to stick with Caucasian names. Your autopilot part of the brain suddenly sends out a signal, indicating the potential conclusion of the ongoing thread of the conversation. You want more time. You take another sip of coffee, and throw in another question about the current affairs in the U.S. He starts giving his opinions on the matter and you carry on with the list. ‘Anthony, Alan, Alex, Abel, Adriel, Ariel, Amy.’ You’re off tracking again. It seems like a lost cause now, and you decide to avert the need to bring up names. Your mission now is to retreat swiftly and smartly. You keep your part of the conversation short and crisp and make sure you give him ample time and opportunity to speak his mind out (partly to buy some more time and partly to exhaust him of this interaction). The conversation almost reaches its end. He tells you he must leave now. You take a sigh of relief. He compliments how lovely it is to talk to you, while you silently pat yourself on the back for 1) being such a charmer, even during an autopilot mode; 2) successfully steering the conversation away from names. You’re both about to say goodbye and suddenly, he decides to throw in one final jab by asking if numbers can be exchanged. You reluctantly say yes and suggest airdropping him your contact details. He says he doesn’t own an iPhone, and swiftly asks for your number first, so he can give you a missed call. You tell him your number, half-suspecting now if he has also forgotten your name. After all, he also did not bring your name up anytime during the entire conversation. He gives you a missed call, and shamelessly stands in front of you, towering over your phone and eyes fixated on your phone screen, making sure you save his number in front of him. You comply nervously, and as you open your keypad, he leans slightly closer. You know he has got you right where he wanted to. You finally gather up the courage and meekly ask for his name. He pretends to be taken aback, and this time responds with clear condescension.
“It’s funny you don’t remember my name, Saad,” he mocks, making sure he flaunts off in the process, by making mention of your name.
“It’s Randy”, he says out rudely, and you come to realize that you were wrong about his name from the very beginning.
3) When you go out for dinner with your friends and the bill comes in
For you to relive this awkward scenario, might I interest you in an episode of the sitcom Friends (Episode 5, Season 2, to be exact), which captures the oddities when you go out for dinner with friends? My take is a bit different though, and yes, you may consider the following scenario to be based on my own personal experience (the reason why to be discussed later). It has been a while since you all met one another, so you plan to go out for dinner during the weekends. You have a great meal, share lots of laughs, and catch up on several topics. All in all, you are having a great time, up until the time the bill arrives. The bill sits there unwelcomingly, and while you all continue to reminisce the good, old days at university, you all can feel an eerily silent apprehension looming over the table. As the conversation plunges itself into an imminent, yet uncomfortable silence, someone finally suggests heading out. You all now look at the bill together, knowing perfectly well that while the bill will indeed be split, it’s a matter of who will pay for now. You quickly suggest paying with cash, each paying exactly how much they owe. You know it’s the smartest move to play. You ordered the cheapest dish and you don’t want to pay more than what you owe. In fact, you came well-prepared for this very moment. You brought enough cash as well as change, to be fully precise with the payment. Some of your friends aren’t carrying cash, however, and it is suggested to go with a credit card payment option instead. The friend, sitting closest to you, asks if you can use your credit card. You don’t want to, but 1) they all saw you with your credit card when you mindlessly decided to purchase a t-shirt in front of them with your plastic; 2) your bank offers some kind of discount, which for some reason, is not offered by other banks. It seems the entire universe has conspired against you, for this matter. You reluctantly oblige and pay with your credit card, while your friends assure you to transfer their shares. One of them pays you his share, in form of cash, upfront. You take a sigh of relief under your breath. One down, three to go. As you all start heading your own ways, you reiterate by suggesting the option of PayMe or FPS (Fast Payment Service) for the ‘convenience of your friends’. They nod, and two of them do eventually manage to take out their mobile phones and, within the next thirty to forty seconds, send you their shares. The last of your four friends (the one sitting closest to you, who threw you under the bus in the first place), however, makes no such effort, and changes the subject entirely, as you all walk along, toward your cars. You know he was the one who ordered the most expensive meal, and he owes you the most. You want to remind him again, but it just seems awkward and, quite honestly, petty to do so. You hope for him to pay you back, but you know he has a habit of ‘forgetting’. You all reach the car park. You try one last time, to fish out the money from your slyest friend.
“Your dish looked the most appetizing. What did you order? I would love to try that out the next time I come here”, you lie.
“Ribeye steak with chimichurri sauce, and yes, you should try it out,” he says, keeping his answer, brief yet complete.
“How much was it for, by the way?” you go for the jugular.
“I can’t remember, but it was a little pricey”, he responds with nonchalance. You know it was for 200HKD, and you know your plan didn’t work. You forfeit, accepting the reality of the situation. They all sit in their cars and head out, while you sit in your car and turn the ignition. You buckle up your seat belt and make a mental note of how much that friend owes you. You make sure to retrieve from him the next time you all meet for dinner. This brings me to the reason why I am willing to own this one scenario: to remind my dear friend how much he owes me for that dinner. 235HKD, to be precise…
